The Next Step


When I was a little boy you have some expectations about the future.
What will you become when you are older like what kind of job you will have or how you future will look like the person that you will love etc.

So I had also expectations about my future.
Not about the way I will live my life because I wasn’t that sure if I will have a wife or a man as a partner.
That part of my future was really weird because I had a girlfriend from the age of 5 till I was 11 years old.
As a kid I always played with toys that are normally made for girls.
Nowadays I make the joke that playing with toys made me gay but that isn’t true.
At the age of 12 I doubt my heterosexuality. Because I saw boys that looks nice but I didn’t make the connection that I was gay.
When I had the age of 15 I knew that I was gay and I start to look at different website for boys to date with.

But back to my expectations for my current life, the only thing I knew was that I want to be loved be person that I really like. The he or she must be very nice and we must do things that we like.
I thought that I become a teacher because I love to go to school when I was younger and love to explain things when people don’t understand the different subjects.
That wasn’t the only thing that I really liked, I also like to swim.
I have 4 different swimming certificates and I saw myself teaching kids how to swim and teach it with my enthusiasm.
The last thing that I want to be was a person that talks to kids when they have problems that there parents are divorced

Another thing that I thought as a child was that when you are a grown up you can live the life you want.
Because it is easy to get a job etc. but when you’re 18 years old you start pay for everything that you want.
Even for insurance that you have, so you start with a part time job at a record shop.

But when you start to grow you have expectations about children.
I want children and I know that since I was a little boy.
But I’m gay so it’s not the easiest way to have children.
sometimes I get the question if I want children. And my answer to that question is yes.
My husband and I still try to have babies but we miss something.

Back to my current life.
I’m married with my husband and life with my 2 cats.
But what I already said was that we miss something. And that is a child.
There are to many options: Adoption, surrogate mother, foster care, and have a child with a lesbian couple.
We are exploring what the right option is for us. Some of them are excluded.
Because we already know that we can effort is, like adoption.
It’s so expensive that you almost be rich to get a adopted child to your home.

Surrogate mother is also very difficult to find.
Because when a woman is pregnant she has a baby in her for 9 months.
As a mother you get a bond with the child. And as a surrogate mother you give the child after birth to the 2 other parents that will take care for the baby.
And as a person that wants a baby it´s still difficult to say that she give the baby to me and my husband want forget the bond that she had with the baby.

Foster care is a good other option but when you have a child from another person in your house it wont be your own child that you been take care of since he/she was born.
The other thing what you will get are the biological parents from the child because mom and dad couldn’t take care of the baby anymore.
And most of the time you need to keep in touch because it’s necessary for the child.

The last option is to make a child with a lesbian couple.
We are in touch with a couple and have really good contact since last August.
And after the first contact we did fun things with each other, good conversations, a very good and have a good relationship together.
We want to try to make a baby but it will be difficult to explain to people that don’t us.

The point that I want to make with this blog is that when you are a little child you know what you want to become.
But most of the time things will change and also the decisions you make will change everything sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way.
Be happy with the life you have and make decisions that makes you happy.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you want but be happy what you have!

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